The subject of marital physical abuse is as sensitive as murder or child molestation nowadays. You Google this topic and you’ll get multitudinous lists which you cannot even read in a day, probably, you may even get bored or nauseated. But, I know this is impossible. Whoever gets bored by this topic is not human. We are aware of battery and how cruel, at times, fatal this could get, whether it’s the wife or the husband or your partners when you are not married yet. If it’s not you, then somebody else you know, a member of your family, a friend, a colleague, a neighbor, a person you look up to, have experiences to tell.
Here are examples of how we can get out of a marriage full of punches and black eyes.
1. STAY AWAY FROM ALL THE BLOWS. The safest way to stop this is to be away from the offender. Do not volunteer or offer yourself as a sacrifice so he or she can release all demonic acts one could possibly do. Talk to your partner if he is in his normal state of mind and set an agreement that whenever you have an argument, since you have noticed a pattern that all arguments would end him beating you up, you have to be clear that you will need to get out of your place on every onset of each argument. Now I know, this just sounds silly. But this applies to those wives or husband who cannot go out of the marriage but only wants to stop the physical abuse. Well, it should be total no-no in the first place but in the real world, there are just partners who cannot leave such relationships thinking that eventually, he or she will change. Now, this is even a bigger risk to do. Tendencies are, you will always aim to change or control situations, either you please him or avoid the things that will make him get angry. Bottomline is, he won’t change, you will. Do not flirt with disaster, do not even begin to compete with it. Let the offender understand that you are doing this for both of you. For you not to be hurt physically and for him to avoid hurting you.
2. DON’T PRAY THAT THE BEATING WILL STOP WHILE YOU ARE IN THE ACT OF BEING ABUSED. I know a wife who was abused by her husband for five years. He would always beat her for hours and eventually when the beating was over and the wife would want to go to sleep with blood all over her face and body, obviously, too exhausted to even wash up, her husband would kick her and tell her to sleep standing! Apparently, he was not yet done with her. And this wife, would REALLY sleep standing! Imagine that! She said that whenever he would hurt her, she would just be quiet, take all the punches and pray that it will stop soon. God does not answer prayers that way. It maybe so old and scriptural, but, faith without work is dead, this is still very true. Nobody deserves to stay in a sick relationship. One would rather be healthy alone, than be with somebody sick all the time.
3. GO OUT AND SEE A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR. I would prefer a marriage counselor than a psychologist (no pun intended). If you know somebody who is a spiritual leader or anybody who can help your partner stop his ways, go and accompany him. Under this step, it may also help to pray together. Set a timeframe. Be assertive. Always do your part to help him stop his addiction of abusing you, little by little. Again, let’s go back to rule number 1, you have to get out of your place while he is trying to overcome this,if he can. Continue to be a good Samaritan, but from afar.
4. PLAN IN ADVANCE. We’re talking about what you can probably do when he won’t stop, where you can probably go to anytime. Do not be afraid. I know this is the time of your life where your self-esteem is so on the borderline, that you are so scared to start on your own thinking he might follow you wherever you go, or it could have been so hard to plan for yourself alone since you have been dependent on him financially. There’s only one chance to live this life, if you won’t do it for yourself and by yourself, others will.
5. GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP, IMMEDIATELY. If after all the help you got and still, nothing has stopped, then leave. Unlike my friend, you don’t have to wait for five years. In the United States alone, four wives or partners are being murdered everyday, because of physical abuse. These same people are proven to be sexually abusing their own children,too. These are all cruel acts and again, it is not your fault that he hit you, it was never your fault that he strangled your neck using your television cable wire. It was never your fault that he would turn into a monster every time you find out he’s cheating on you or he’s lying. But it could already be your fault if you will not do anything. I know leaving him (or her!) won’t be easy but it is doable. Respect has to begin from yourself. Remember, choosing to stay in an abusive relationship when you have all the ways and reasons to leave, is just like surrendering to endless darkness and death, while still alive.
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